My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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