I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
