Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
