Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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