Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
