you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
