Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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