Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
