i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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