Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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