i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
