Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
