Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
