His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
