Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
