Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
