We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
