I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
