Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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