My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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