Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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