What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
