are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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