I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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