So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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