Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
