He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
