Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
