You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
