The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
