so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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