can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
