Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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