I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
