So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
