I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
