Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
