somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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