Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
