My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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