I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
