we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
