chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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