i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
