I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
