I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
