ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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