First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
