and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
