I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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