thus making me awesome and them whores
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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