My first STD was from a foam party
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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