anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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